Thursday, May 9, 2013

Are You A Human Living In the Milky Way Galaxy On The Planet Earth Under the Atmosphere But On Top of The Planet's Crust Who Is Trying To Lose Pure Body Fat?

Male Announcer: Do you have too much body fat? It tends to accumulate on your stomach, hips and thighs. Body fat is unattractive and extremely hard to get rid of.

Female spokes model: Are you struggling to lose weight? Does it seem like no matter what you do you just can't get rid of excess body fat?

Male Announcer: Body fat builds over our midsection on top of the muscle underneath the skin...

Me, joking: ...under your clothes, inside your house, underneath the atmosphere, on the planet earth, on top of the crust, inside the Milky Way galaxy. If you're the kind of person who views the accumulation of pure body fat a problem Lipozene might be for you. On the other hand, if you think this sounds like a bunch of hooey, despite their claims that their snake oil is "clinically proven", it might not be for you (and you might be right).

Me, serious: After some research using the Google machine I found that Lipozene is a bunch of hooey as well as very expensive. The primary ingredient in Lipozene is glucomannan, which is a fiber. So all it is basically doing is making you feel full. It does not directly cause weight loss, as the name "Lipozene" suggests. This product has nothing at all in common with liposuction (the surgical removal of fat via a vacuum).

Also, to get the amount of fiber that would be necessary to "achieve substantial weight loss", you would need to take at least 14 capsules a day. However, the manufacturer warns that taking more than 6 capsules a day might not be safe. Take any more and you'll probably end up suffering from "severe diarrhea and gastrointestinal distress", including gas and bloating. It is even possible that your gut could explode (seriously). This is according to a professor of nutritional sciences at the University of Toronto.

How Stuff Works says "...the supplement really is inefficient [and] does not come for cheap. If you take [6 capsules a day], then each 60-count bottle of Lipozene will last for only 10 days. At a cost of roughly $30 per bottle, that brings the cost of a one month supply to $90".

My conclusion? Don't be fooled by this scam. We all know that the only way to lose weight is to eat less and exercise more. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts or magic pills. But I'm sure the manufacturer isn't having any trouble finding enough suckers to make this flimflam quite profitable.

PPP #29

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Sorcery that Facilitates Liquid Dispensing Will Amaze and Confound!

Are you tired of having to lift and tip your large beverage containers in order to pour liquids into a drinking vessel? If so, a new product that uses magic (as opposed to technology) might be just what you're looking for. The amazing supernatural thing-a-ma-jiggy I'm referring to is the "magic tap".

Everybody is thirsty for more, but sometimes it's hard to pour - and that is when the sorcery that powers the "magic tap" comes in. No need to worry if you're a muggle, as any non magic-user can operate the magic tap. The magical energy that allows the magic tap to draw liquids directly up can be found in a store near you. Just walk in and ask the first clerk you encounter for something called a "battery". This is the item that contains the magic "juice".

Next, follow the included instructions and insert the "battery" into your magic tap. Within seconds you'll be "pouring" liquids out of your container without having to tip it, exactly as if you were a wizard who graduated with honors from Hogwarts!

Seriously though, I was wondering how magic tap worked until I saw "battery not included" printed on the screen. Is a battery really magic? I think not. Also, is it really worth 10 bucks (plus the cost of a battery) to not have to lift and tip a container to pour liquids into a glass? I say no.

By the way, I think the magic jack is a product whose operation might appear more like actual magic - certainly to those who aren't technologically savy. What do you think me-buck?

PPP #28

Monday, May 6, 2013

Are You Tired of Looking Fat and Ugly?

Are you a man who is tired of looking fat and ugly? If so, perhaps Nutrisystem is not for you. Or, that is the thought that came to my mind while watching the diet product commercial starring Terry Bradshaw and Jillian Barberie. No offense to Terry, but, while he certainly is LESS fat and LESS ugly in the before and after pictures, I'm not convinced that many men would want to be "pretty like him".

Now, I'm not the kind of person who believes everyone ought to have perfectly toned bodies (as I certainly do not have one), but he's the one who threw out the "pretty like me" line. I mean, come on Terry, you don't really think you qualify as "pretty", do you? No, I suspect that this may be an attempt at some self-deprecating humor by Mr. Bradshaw. If so, I say huzzah for him.

On the other hand, some say this Nutrisystem ad promotes negative body stereotypes, and that the real message is, "If YOU are overweight, YOU are also ugly. Use our product and YOU will be healthy, thin and attractive".

In conclusion the guy who is the "some say" I previously referenced said, "Shame on Nutrisystem. They are... talking about a healthy lifestyle yet at the same type perpetuating false body-image stereotypes to sell their product".

But he didn't blame Mr. Bradshaw because he didn't write the script. I, however, WILL blame Mr. Bradshaw and retract my previous "huzzah". He didn't have to participate in an ad designed to shame people into buying Nutrisystem.

Finally, I have to add an additional "shame on you" to one more person - me. Shame on me for making fun of Mr. Bradshaw for being less fat and less ugly. I'm actually strongly opposed to making fun of people for their weight and/or looks, although I'm sure I'm not the only one who had these thoughts while viewing the commercial.


PPP #27

Sunday, May 5, 2013

In Regards to the Individual Who Thinks I Stink

An anonymous poster has been leaving comments on this blog using the ID "You Stink" and a URL that links to the Wikipedia page for "fart". While I appreciate this person's dedication to commenting on my blog, I must ask - is he (or she) suggesting that I actually smell, or are they saying that I stink metaphorically? If the latter then I don't know how it would be possible for said commenter to know that I stink, as we would have to have met in person for the commenter to get a whiff of my odor (if any).

Now I am almost positive that we have never met, and I do not believe that I smell. My guess is that this commenter means that I stink metaphorically, in that my blog is badly written, or that the points I make aren't any good or are poorly articulated. If that is the case I must ask, why are you reading my blog?

While I do appreciate your comments, as my blog would not get any otherwise, I do wonder why you make them if you think I stink. If my writing stinks why read and leave a comment? I'm pretty sure you're reading what I write, as your comments indicate you are. They refer back to what I say in my postings. The reason you're leaving these comments can't be because you like to argue, as I most often leave them stand with no response.

Would you care to enlighten me, Mr. You Stink? Are you a fan of the zombie apocalypse television series "The Walking Dead"? I've posted quite a few times on that subject, although you haven't responded to any of those commentaries. Perhaps you think those posts don't stink, and you don't comment on them because you do not wish to pay me a compliment? Or perhaps you enjoy my witty observations on commercials (both dumb and funny)? I really do not know why you keep coming back, although I suppose I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, even one that thinks I stink.

PPP #26