Monday, February 11, 2013

Further Thoughts on TD Ameritrade and Vampires

In my previous post on this subject I suggested that TD Ameritrade might be discriminating against vampires. Since then, I've given it a lot of thought, and decided that might not necessarily be the case. Given the long "life" of a vampire, it would probably be prudent for a financial advisor to be more cautious whilst investing the money of their undead client.

After all, given the fact that vampires can "live" hundreds of years, they could potentially make mucho dinero via simple compound interest. Given this fact, investing in risky stocks would probably not be a good idea for a vampire.

On the other hand, it seems like TD Ameritrade goes out of it's way to say to vampires, "TD Ameritrade is not for you". Because they start out by referring to the Asian vampire Bob, but then say, "no, Bob isn't a vampire". Which might leave a vampire thinking, "I thought they were going to say what they could do for vampires like me".

But if TD Ameritrade really did discriminate against vampires, I doubt they would make a commercial touting the fact. Because, as I pointed out earlier, this would probably irk vampires, which might lead to the death (by having the blood drained from their bodies) of TD Ameritrade representatives.

Video: Pro-Vampire Rights Amendment commercial. Published 7/22/2008 (0:32).

PPP #20

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Does TD Ameritrade Discriminate Against Vampires?

I saw a commercial for TD Ameritrade yesterday that told the story of a vampire named Bob who was worried that he couldn't retire until 153 years of age due to his investments not providing very good returns. I have multiple problems with the ad. First of all, Bob looks Asian to me. Has there ever been a movie that featured an Asian vampire, let alone an Asian vampire named "Bob"?

Is Bob an Asian name? It does not sound Asian. Thirdly, Bob, in addition to being a vampire, is also an architect with two kids. Everyone knows that, being undead, vampires cannot father children. Perhaps he fathered the children before he became a vampire?

I suppose it does not matter, since pitchman Matt Damon admits that Bob isn't a vampire later in the ad. Matt explains that it would be fine that Bob's investments were not doing well IF he were a vampire. I guess TD Ameritrade doesn't want vampires as clients; or that they do an intentionally crappy job for their vampire clients?

Either way, I think TD Ameritrade is courting disaster. Or perhaps they just don't care about the lives of their agents. I say this because, learning that their financial advisor is intentionally screwing them, the vampire in question might decide to make short work of said advisor. If it were me, I'd just pretend I didn't know the client was a vampire, and try to do my best. Who wants to make a vampire angry?

But the better solution, in my opinion, is to steer clear of vampires. That way you have zero chance of dying as a result of having all your blood drained from your body. Or worse, becoming undead yourself.

In any case, whether or not TD Ameritrade discriminates against vampires is of no concern to me. They're the ones who will have to deal with the consequences if their (potential or shafted) vampire clients discover their duplicity.

Video: "Vampire Bob" TD Ameritrade TV Commercial. Published 3/26/2014 (0:29).

PPP #19